You ever have one of those days when you wish people would be a little more discreet? I had one on Thursday. I swear some days have themes (my next series) and Thursday was all about the bodily functions of strangers. Everywhere I turned people acted like they were in their own homes instead of out in the world. My morning walk turned into a way too up close and personal exchange with one woman. She literally yawned in my face as I stopped to get a drink at the water fountain. So what’s the big deal you might think? Well, not only did she eat something disgusting for breakfast, but I really didn’t need to know that she had four cavities and a tongue piercing.
But things got worse when I ventured out of the house to go grocery shopping. How could I know that turning down the snack aisle would be the biggest mistake of the day. I entered into a farting contest of epic proportions. And no, it wasn’t a battle between two teenage boys, it was to grown women passing gas and acting like nothing happened. Reach for a bag of corn chips, “toot” grab a box of cookies “toot, toot.” I couldn’t move my shopping cart fast enough.
I enjoyed the rest of my day relatively body function free until I headed out to meet my writer friends for dinner. The nightmare started all over again. As I approached the restaurant, a pleasant woman opened the door for me. How nice I thought and thanked her. Instead of saying anything back, she burped in my face. Not a little petite burp, no, a foghorn belch that could compete with any lighthouse. She smiled at me like this behavior was perfectly normal. I know in certain cultures belching after a meal is considered polite, but the woman looked like a typical Barbie doll Encino housewife.
The upside of the day was when I joined my writer friends for dinner. I told them about my crazy experiences. We had a fun filled dinner conversation about our various up close and personal encounters with strangers. The great thing about being a writer is that a day like Thursday is perfect fodder for making my writing more believable and real. So I have to thank the various ladies that made the day one to remember—and one to write about!